“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” –Vincent Van Gogh
Confidence is important to our success. Study after study confirm this fact. What is confidence? How do we know if we are confident enough? Sometimes in our society we compare ourselves to seemingly confident people and feel we don’t measure up. People can seem confident but they are actually deeply insecure. If we truly want to build confidence, we first need to know how to build true confidence, not just fake it.
When people are truly confident in themselves and their abilities, they don’t need to show off or make other people feel bad about themselves. Here is a list to help you spot fake confidence, and build your own.
10 Things Confident People Don’t Do:
- Compare. Truly confident people don’t spend time comparing themselves, their lives, their children, or anything else with others. They don’t feel the need to prove their worth because they already know it. If you hear someone comparing themselves with others all the time, then you can be sure they have a do not feel good enough, and are not confident in themselves.
- Put Others Down. Confidence comes from inner strength. Confident people do not rely on putting people down in order to feel good about themselves. In fact, truly confident people do just the opposite of tearing others down, they build people up. They are encouraging. A confident person will leave you feeling better about yourself not worse.
- Show Off. People who are confident don’t waste their time talking about themselves all day. They do not have to always look perfect, show off their money, or brag about their accomplishments. In fact, truly confident people can admit they are not all together all the time. You may show up to their house with a sink full of dishes and they feel fine about themselves still. They know their value and do not have to prove it with perfectionism.
- Hide Away. This is the opposite of the above point. Truly confident people don’t shy away from life either. They engage with others, spend time getting to know people, and embrace all life has to offer. They are not afraid to go after their goals or hobbies. They can speak about their adventures and accomplishments with excitement and not bravado or false humility. Confident people feel comfortable sharing about themselves. They also enjoy listening to your accomplishments and adventures and encourage you too!
- Stay in negative situations out of fear. Truly confident people can let go of negative people and situations. They aren’t afraid to leave when things aren’t working for them. Ther feel they are worthy of respect, and don’t settle for less. Confident people can pick up and leave if needed, even if it makes them sad or afraid.
- Pretend things are fine when they are not. Confident people understand that life isn’t perfect. They don’t feel the need to pretend that things are better than they are. They live in the real world. They are comfortable working through conflicts and problems because they feel confident in their ability to handle life’s challenges.
- Overstep your boundaries. Confident people don’t feel the need to control others in order to get their way. In fact, they know how to meet their own needs within themselves. They also respect your boundaries. They take care of themselves, and understand when you need to take care of yourself too.
- Express their anger explosively. Everyone gets angry or upset sometimes. However, if a person has a temper that flares up fast, then you know that person is not confident. Confident people can speak their mind in a respectful tone, even if they disagree with you. They don’t fear that you won’t listen to them, rather they know their input is valuable. They do not need to use anger to try to feel ‘heard’ by you.
- Lack Integrity. Confident people respect laws, relationships, and limits. They feel confident that their needs can be met without losing their integrity. They follow through with commitments, and make decisions that align with their values. They take responsibility for their mistakes even if it costs them something. They don’t pass the consequences of their mistakes onto others.
- Fear failure. True confidence comes from embracing failure. Confident people know that failure is a part of learning and they are not afraid to embrace it because they love learning. They will apologize to people if needed and make amends. They aren’t afraid to ask for help because they value teamwork. They see failure as part of life and embrace the valuable lessons it provides.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” —Henry Ford
Confidence doesn’t come naturally and isn’t built by just knowing these qualities. Building confidence takes time, effort, and often therapy. If you feel like you might struggle with self-confidence, then let me help you find yours. Call 559-697-5045 and begin your journey toward inner healing and self-confidence.
Do you live the Hanford or Visalia California area? Call me to set up a therapy appointment today!
Reno NV Therapist / California Teletherapy