Does He Love Me

He Says He Loves Me but I Don’t Feel It…

Does he love me?

Are you wondering if your partner really loves you?  Do you sometimes you feel rejected when you aren’t sure why?  Often our emotions can fool us.  We might feel confident in a relationship when things are not healthy, or we may feel unloved when our partner does really love us.  With all this confusion, how can we know if we are in a good relationship?  You may wonder does he really loves me even when I don’t feel it?

How to know if he loves me or is just using me?

  1. How often do you ‘feel’ his love? If you feel it most of the time but occasionally feel a distance when he is distracted or angry with you, then things may just be normal. Feeling his love most but not all of the time is a sign that things are ok between you.  Normal couples have moments when things don’t always feel loving.  However, if you two come back and work things out then congratulations, you are a normal couple.
  2. He initiates conversations with you. Maybe it is via text, or a “hello how was your day” when you get home, there are good signs he loves you. Although these things seem mundane, they are actually signs he is interested in you and how you are doing.
  3. He says can say sorry and tries to change. If you have a fight or get upset at one another, if he will then tell you he is sorry and wants to fix things and then attempts to do the things you ask of him this is a good sign.  Even if these things don’t make you ‘feel’ loved, these are signs that love he does in fact love you and want to make the relationship work.
  4. He comes around for more than sex. Good sexual chemistry can be a sign the health of a relationship, but it can also be a warning sign of a bad relationship.  If all you have is sexual chemistry he may not love you, but is simply attracted to your looks. Although it can be nice to feel attractive, ultimately you may end up feeling empty, used, and wondering if he loves you. This may be a sign that you need therapy in order to figure out what is happening in your relationship.
  5. He is considerate of you and includes you in his plans. If he is including you in his life this is a good sign.  He may show this by asking about whether you have plans for this Saturday or if it is ok if he can hang with the guys, he is showing you that you are his priority.  Just because he wants to do things that are interesting to him that don’t include you does not mean he does not love you.  If he includes you in his plans, even when they aren’t with you it is a sign that he loves you.
  6. He is faithful. Over and over, studies show that happy couples are monogamous and faithful to one another.  Healthy relationships don’t include cheating or threatening to cheat.  If your partner has been unfaithful, you may need to reevaluate the toll this is taking on you and your relationship.  If his words aren’t lining up with his actions you may need to see a therapist or go to couple’s therapy together in order to figure out why this is happening.

I know he loves me, but I don’t feel it.

There are a lot of reasons why people can’t feel love even when they have a partner who is trying to show them.

  1. You may have never known true love. It may be that you are a bit mixed up about what love is. Maybe you were not shown consistent love growing up, or perhaps your parents’ relationship was not healthy.  Maybe you have never seen an example of love in your life.  Perhaps you are mixing up the idea of chemistry with love.  These issues might keep you from being able to feel his love for you.
  2. You don’t know how to reconnect with your partner. Sometimes it isn’t you, and it isn’t him either, it is ‘we’.  What this means is that although you both may be healthy and in love, it takes work to keep the connection alive.  This is where a marriage workshop may help, or even couple’s therapy.  You may wonder if couple’s therapy is for you.  Give me a call for a free 10-minute consultation at (559) 697-5045 and I can help you decide.

What is more important than building a relationship that is fulfilling for both partners?

Being the “best you can be” is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.” 
― Sue Johnson, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

Do you live the Hanford or Visalia California area? Call me to set up a therapy appointment today!

Debra Schmitt, ACSW

Reno NV Therapist / California Teletherapy

Call: 559-697-5045

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Does He Love Me