Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Relationship

Are you looking for a life partner? Are you wondering if the one you’ve got is right for you? It is hard to know when you should run from a relationship.  Sometimes you may feel the need to slow down and think about how compatible you and your partner are. When we are in love we often have a rosy our view of our partner that tend to distort reality. We may ignore signals that things in the relationship might not be right. We all enjoy the lovely warm fuzzy feelings we experience in a new relationship, it can feel magical! But..

We often ignore bad qualities in our partner, because the chemistry is so strong…

Over time though, these bad qualities can compound and become huge issues that are carried around in the relationship. We can avoid this mistake by stepping back from those warm fuzzy feelings for minute and assessing for the personal qualities that make for a great life partner.

Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Life Partner:

  1. Is the person open and receptive to feedback? Does he/she hear out your thoughts, feelings and ideas?  Do they consider them important? If a person is unable hear a differing opinion and at least consider it, they may become disrespectful or even down right selfish. If they need you and others to constantly agree with them, pity them, make them feel secure, or are not open to change, there may be trouble ahead.
  1. Does this person notice and appreciate the gifts and strengths of others? A person who notices and comments on the gifts and strengths of others has a sense of inner security. In a relationship, this person will encourage you. When you are down, they will point out your strengths and good qualities rather than needing to compete with you or put you down.  A person who has this quality will not try to dominate others or ‘one up’ people to feel important.  Instead, they will be on your team encouraging you and grow and growing with you.
  1. Is your partner happy? When a person is generally happy they will make you smile and do whatever it takes help you find happiness. This doesn’t mean your partner can’t have a bad day, but a partner who is generally content and happy will not be focused on making themselves happy. Instead, they will find ways to include you in their happiness and that kind of joy is contagious!
  1. Honesty and directness is incredibly important in a relationship. Can your partner state their ideas and views even if they are different from yours? Can they do it respectfully and with kindness? We all like have partners who agree with us, but we must both feel free to speak about things we may not agree about. If your partner can’t do this, they will eventually become an angry doormat.  You may eventually lose respect for this person. When either partner must give in or please the other partner constantly in order to make a relationship work, the relationship is in danger. When both people are able to consider each other’s point of view, the relationship is in a good place.
  1. Does this person know you? The true you? Does he or she care about your world, ask about your goals, and your gifts? Or do you feel invisible, unheard, or misunderstood? Do they notice when you aren’t feeling yourself? A person with this quality will be interested in you and will ask about how you are and what you are up to.  They may find ways to encourage you along the way. Put simply, they are interested in YOU!
  1. Steady and productive in their work and interests. Is your partner growing? Do people respect them? Responsible is one word that might describe them. Do they follow through in areas of responsibility even when they don’t feel like it? Are they willing to take the hard road in order to take care of a responsibility or make a mistake right? Are they a good role model? Ask yourself: Would I be proud to introduce them to my family and friends? 
  1. Respects your boundaries. Does your partner respect the boundaries you put in place?  Can they respect when you say you do not want to something you or when you feel it is too soon to engage in something? If they coerce or try to manipulate you, run! That means they are not able to consider anyone other than themselves.
  1. Look for a person who is able to control their anger. Everyone gets angry or upset sometimes. However, if a person who has a temper that flares or scares you, watch out. It will get worse over years of being together and could become abusive to you and your children.
  1. Integrity is integral to any relationship. Do you and others trust that this person is honest? Have they shown signs of dishonestly in little things? Can you trust they will be faithful to you if you were in a relationship with them? If so, then you can feel peace about where your relationship is headed.  If not, you may need to reexamine the relationship because integrity is integral to healthy relationships.
  2. A healthy person cherishes who you are and feels you are the best thing that has ever happened to them. True partnership has a mutual admiration! Both people feel a sense of adoration and feel that the other partner is amazing.

Avoid these relationship pitfalls! Take off the rose-colored glasses. Consider the relationship qualities in this article. What you find is important to your future and as you build a relationship that you will love to be in. Choosing a partner for life is one of the most important decisions you will ever make!  If it is not right, don’t waste time.

Do you live the Hanford or Visalia California area? Call me to set up a therapy appointment today!

Debra Schmitt, ACSW

Reno NV Therapist / California Teletherapy

Call: 559-697-5045

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